Polyvagal Theory (Porges)
Safety, fight-or-flight, shutdown
Stephen Porges (1994; "The Polyvagal Theory", 2011) describes how the autonomic nervous system shifts between three states through "neuroception": ventral vagal (safe and socially engaged), sympathetic (fight-or-flight, anxious or angry) and dorsal vagal (shutdown, withdrawal or numbness). In conflict, partners drop out of the "safe" state into defense. ScanMyLove reads markers of each state in message tone and rhythm to show when the conversation left safety.
What ScanMyLove measures:
Autonomic state, escalation/shutdown, co-regulation.
Understanding the model
Stephen Porges (1994; "The Polyvagal Theory", 2011) describes how the autonomic nervous system shifts between three states through "neuroception" (unconscious threat detection): ventral vagal (safe, connected), sympathetic (fight-or-flight) and dorsal vagal (shutdown). Conflict happens when partners drop out of safety into defense.
The three autonomic states
| State | Nervous system | Signals in messages |
|---|---|---|
| Ventral vagal (safe) | Social engagement | Warmth, curiosity, repair, humor |
| Sympathetic (fight/flight) | Mobilization | Urgency, blame, ALL CAPS, rapid-fire texts |
| Dorsal vagal (shutdown) | Immobilization | Flat one-word replies, silence, "whatever" |
How ScanMyLove applies it
ScanMyLove reads markers of each state in tone and rhythm — warmth and curiosity (ventral), urgency and attack (sympathetic), withdrawal and flat replies (dorsal) — to show when and where the conversation left safety.
What the report reveals
A report might show one partner escalating into fight-or-flight while the other drops into shutdown — the classic escalate/withdraw loop — with cues to return to a regulated state.
Frequently asked questions
What is neuroception?
A term coined by Porges for the nervous system’s unconscious detection of safety or threat — it happens before conscious thought and shapes how we react in conflict.
How does this help my relationship?
Recognizing that a partner is in fight-or-flight or shutdown — not "being difficult" — lets you slow down and co-regulate instead of escalating.
Is polyvagal theory settled science?
It is an influential framework in trauma and therapy; some aspects remain debated. ScanMyLove uses it as a practical lens on escalation and withdrawal.
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