Nonviolent Communication (Rosenberg)
Observation, Feeling, Need, Request
Marshall Rosenberg (2003, "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life") developed a four-step process — Observation, Feeling, Need, Request (OFNR) — that separates facts from judgments and connects feelings to underlying needs. It replaces blame ("you never listen") with requests grounded in needs ("when X happens, I feel Y because I need Z; would you be willing to…?"). ScanMyLove measures how often each partner uses blaming versus needs-based language and suggests OFNR reformulations.
What ScanMyLove measures:
Blame vs needs language, request clarity.
Understanding the model
Marshall Rosenberg (2003, "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life") created a four-step process — Observation, Feeling, Need, Request (OFNR) — that separates facts from judgments and links feelings to needs, replacing blame with clear requests.
The four steps of NVC (OFNR)
| Step | Question it answers |
|---|---|
| Observation | What happened, as a fact (no judgment)? |
| Feeling | How do I feel about it? |
| Need | Which underlying need is unmet? |
| Request | What concrete, doable thing do I ask for? |
How ScanMyLove applies it
ScanMyLove measures how often each partner uses blaming or judging language versus needs-based language, and rewrites tense messages into the OFNR structure.
What the report reveals
A report might show a high ratio of "you"-blame statements during conflict, then provide OFNR rewrites that keep the same intent without the attack.
Frequently asked questions
What does OFNR stand for?
Observation, Feeling, Need, Request — the four steps of Nonviolent Communication. The idea is to state a fact, name your feeling, connect it to a need, and make a concrete request.
Why avoid "you always/never"?
Generalized blame triggers defensiveness. NVC reframes it as a specific observation plus a need, which invites cooperation instead of counter-attack.
Does ScanMyLove rewrite my messages?
It suggests OFNR reformulations of tense messages so you can express the same need without blame. You stay in control of what you send.
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