My Son Watches Andrew Tate: What Should I Do?

TL;DR : Young men increasingly follow Andrew Tate and similar figures not because they seek hatred but because they crave clear direction and validation in an environment where masculinity feels undefined and they feel invisible. Parents who discover their sons watching this content often react with fear and anger, but research on radicalization and cognitive psychology shows that the next hours and weeks are crucial to whether the interest becomes a phase or deepens into ideology. Effective responses involve listening without judgment to understand what appeals to the son, validating his underlying need for masculine guidance while questioning whether Tate provides the best answers, offering alternative content that speaks the same language but with more nuance, and developing his critical thinking skills by asking who benefits from this messaging. Parents should avoid banning content, moralizing, panicking, or ignoring the issue entirely, as these approaches either amplify the appeal or leave algorithms and peers as the only influences on fundamental questions about masculinity and respect. Warning signs that warrant professional intervention include adoption of manosphere language, social isolation, hostility toward women, and refusal of dialogue. Ultimately, the solution requires schools to teach media literacy, institutions to provide positive male mentors, and fathers or other adult men in boys' lives to model respectful masculinity through presence, honesty, and emotional availability.

This article is part of the "Lost Boys" series, exploring the silent crisis affecting a generation of young men. It draws on cognitive psychology, radicalization research and data from the Lost Boys Report (Centre for Social Justice, 2025).

Introduction: the scene you dread

Your 14-year-old son is in his room. You walk past the half-open door and hear a male voice -- assured, peremptory -- explaining that "modern women no longer respect men," that "the system is against you," that "the only way to succeed is to become dangerous." You stop. You recognize the voice. It is Andrew Tate. Or one of his countless imitators.

Your first reaction is a mixture of fear, anger and incomprehension. How can your son -- whom you raised with respect, openness, equality -- listen to this? What happened? What did you miss?

Breathe. You probably did not miss anything. And most importantly: what you do in the next minutes, hours and weeks will determine whether your son passes through this phase or locks himself into it.

1. Understanding the appeal: why your son is listening

Before reacting, you need to understand. And to understand, you must accept an uncomfortable truth: Andrew Tate is not responding to a need for hatred. He is responding to a need for direction.

The void of role models

Young boys grow up in an environment where masculinity is a minefield. Andrew Tate is extremely clear. He says exactly what to do, what to think, how to behave. It is simplistic, often toxic, sometimes dangerous -- but it is crystal clear.

The feeling of not mattering

Many boys feel invisible. The manosphere tells them: "I see you. I know you are suffering. And I am going to explain why." It is a message of validation, even if wrapped in misogyny.

The algorithm as funnel

Your son probably did not seek out Andrew Tate. The algorithm found him. YouTube, TikTok, Instagram: these platforms are designed to maximize engagement. And polarizing, transgressive content generates enormous engagement.

2. Mistakes to avoid

Mistake #1: Banning and censoring

The interdiction makes content more attractive and confirms the manosphere narrative that "the system censors you."

Mistake #2: Moralizing and ridiculing

"How can you listen to a guy like that?" These reactions close the door to dialogue. The teenager will question your ability to understand him, not Tate.

Mistake #3: Panicking

Most teenagers go through phases of ideological exploration that do not last. What determines the outcome is the quality of the relationship you maintain during this phase.

Mistake #4: Ignoring

Ignoring means letting the algorithm and peers be the only interlocutors on fundamental subjects: masculinity, relationships, power, respect.

3. Effective strategies: what works

Strategy 1: Listen before speaking

Ask your son what he watches, what he finds interesting, what speaks to him. Not to trap, not to counter-argue: to understand.

Useful questions:

• "What do you like about what this guy says?"


• "Do you agree with everything, or are there things that bother you too?"


• "Do you know other guys your age who watch this?"

In CBT, this is called motivational interviewing. The goal is to create a space where constructive doubt can emerge.

Strategy 2: Validate the need, question the answer

"I understand that you are trying to figure out how to be a man. That is normal, that is important. The question is: is this guy really the best guide for that?"

This avoids frontal opposition. You are not saying "it is bad." You are saying "it is one answer, but is it the best one?"

Strategy 3: Offer alternatives, not substitutions

Suggest content that speaks the same language -- dynamic, visual, direct -- but with a more nuanced message. Podcasts like Scott Galloway, YouTube channels on non-toxic male self-development. Better yet: search together.

Strategy 4: Develop critical thinking without lecturing

Teach your son to ask the right questions:

• "This guy makes money telling you this. How? Why?"
• "Does he practice what he preaches?"
• "If you applied his advice, what would your life look like in 10 years?"

Strategy 5: Be the model

The best answer to Andrew Tate is not an argument. It is a living model. If you are a father, show your son what it means to be a man: treating your partner with respect, admitting mistakes, being emotionally available.

If you are a mother, seek positive male figures in your son's environment: an uncle, a coach, a teacher, a neighbor. Male mentoring is the most powerful antidote to the manosphere.

4. When to really worry

• Marked change in discourse. He uses manosphere jargon seriously and frequently.
• Progressive social isolation. He cuts off from friends, spends more time online.
• Hostility toward women. Disparaging or aggressive comments.
• Academic disengagement. "School is useless, the system is rigged."
• Refusal of all dialogue. He considers any question an attack.

If several signals have been present for more than a few weeks, professional support may be necessary.

5. The role of schools and institutions

• Media literacy education. Teaching teenagers to decode influence mechanisms and algorithmic biases.
• Discussion spaces about masculinity. Workshops and discussion groups in a secure, non-judgmental setting.
• Male models within the institution. Recruiting men into teaching and inviting diverse male role models.

6. The real question behind Andrew Tate

Ultimately, Andrew Tate's success raises a devastating question: what have we offered boys instead?

The answer, for many young men, is: nothing. The solution is not to silence Andrew Tate. It is to speak louder, with a more nuanced, more respectful and truer message.

7. A message to fathers

Your son needs you. Not a perfect father, not a superhero. A present father, attentive, capable of saying "I do not know" and "I was wrong."

Andrew Tate thrives in households where the father is absent -- physically or emotionally. The best prevention against male radicalization is a father who sits next to his son and says: "Talk to me. I am here. And together, we will figure out what it means to be a man."

Conclusion

Your son watches Andrew Tate. It is not the end of the world. It is not a parental failure. It is a signal that he is looking for something that neither school, nor the media, nor perhaps your home has yet offered him: a clear vision of who he can become.

Your role is not to impose this vision. It is to accompany him in his search, with patience, curiosity and presence. The road is long. But the simple fact that you are looking for answers today shows that you are already on the way.

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Sources:

• Centre for Social Justice, The Lost Boys Report, 2025
• The Lost Boys -- YouTube
• Miller, W. R. & Rollnick, S., Motivational Interviewing, 2012
• Kimmel, M., Angry White Men, 2013
• Reeves, R., Of Boys and Men, 2022

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Are you a parent worried about your son? Explore our psychology resources or take our psychological tests to better understand his emotional needs. You can also analyze your exchanges to evaluate the quality of your family communication.

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