What does a report say about jealousy that spills over?
Jealousy and social media are poisoning our exchanges
Social media has become the couple's battleground.
- →Each partner's true attachment profile: why Karim moves closer when Maya pulls away.
- →The precise mechanism that damages the exchanges: jumping to conclusions.
- →Who carries the relationship — and at what cost (initiation imbalance 61%).
Conversation statistics
Message distribution
Evolution over time
Activity by hour
Activity by day
Heat map
Activity by day and hour
Expressions from Maya
Most frequent bigrams and trigrams
Expressions from Karim
Most frequent bigrams and trigrams
Most used words by Maya
Most used words by Karim
Favourite emojis of Maya
Favourite emojis of Karim
The relationship analysis
Social media has become the couple's battleground. The report distinguishes "ordinary" jealousy (occasional worry) from control that takes hold: checking up, demanding explanations, reading into things. Here, the shift toward control has already begun.
What the messages reveal
Reconstructed excerpts — the report reads each exchange and highlights the underlying pattern.
Relational dimensions
Attachment profile
Gottman’s 4 Horsemen
The lower the score, the better. Above 50 = warning signal.
Cognitive distortions
Thinking biases detected in the conversation
Cognitive distortions (Aaron Beck) are automatic thinking biases that warp our perception of relational reality. A high score indicates a more pronounced presence of this bias.
“That like means something's going on”
“I know she's thinking about him”
Pursuer / withdrawer dynamic
Who pursues the exchange vs who withdraws
Balance: Imbalance
The in-depth analysis
Sternberg’s Triangle
The 3 components of love according to triangular theory.
According to Robert Sternberg, complete love rests on three pillars: intimacy (emotional), passion (physical/romantic) and commitment (decisional). The balance between these three components defines the type of relationship.
The combination of intimacy 45, passion 40 and commitment 53 outlines a "loosened bond" profile. One pillar compensates for the others: the relationship holds, but on a single support, which makes it sensitive to shocks.
5 Love Languages
Predominant love languages of each person (Chapman).
Gary Chapman identifies 5 love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch. Knowing each partner’s dominant language improves mutual understanding.
Gap: Maya and Karim do not share the same dominant language: one partner's proofs of love sometimes go unnoticed by the other, for want of being expressed through the "right" channel.
Identifying the language actually received (rather than the one we spontaneously give) prevents the feeling of "giving without being loved in return."
Detected breakpoints
Key moments where the dynamic shifted
The emotional timeline pinpoints the key moments where the relational dynamic shifted significantly: conflicts, distancing, reconnections.
First marked tension: reproaches replace the request, the exchange grows tense.
Clear cooling of affection: signs of tenderness become scarce on one side.
Relationship prognosis
Guarded
Positive factors
- + A strong, sincere attachment on both sides
- + Maya seeks to reassure rather than flee
Risk factors
- - Jumping to conclusions (64) turns every detail into proof
- - Control (demanding explanations) is setting in on Karim's side
- - Gottman ratio at 2.6: negativity dominates the exchanges
Nonviolent Communication
NVC Score (Rosenberg): use of OFNR format vs judgment/blame.
Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg) assesses the ability to express one’s needs and emotions without aggression or judgment. A high score indicates more empathetic communication.
Examples
« When you let me know you'll be home late, I worry less — thank you. »
Observation + positive impact: reinforces the desired behavior without demanding.
« I would have liked us to talk about it first; I felt presented with a fait accompli. »
Expresses the feeling and the need for consultation without attacking the person.
Both often manage to connect fact, emotion and need — this is what allows tensions to be defused before they escalate.
DISC Profile
Dominant communication style of each person.
The DISC model (W. Marston) classifies behaviors along 4 axes: Dominant (Red — results-oriented), Influential (Yellow — relationship-oriented), Steady (Green — cooperation-oriented) and Conscientious (Blue — precision-oriented). Each has distinct motivations and communication styles.
Maya and Karim do not share the same communication style (couple's communication: 40/100). Neither good nor bad — the challenge is to translate from one style to the other: a direct profile gains from slowing down, a relational profile from daring to be explicit.
Karpman’s Triangle
Dominant roles in the relational dynamic (Transactional Analysis).
Karpman’s drama triangle identifies three dysfunctional relational roles: Persecutor, Victim and Rescuer. A high score on a role indicates a tendency to adopt it during conflicts.
Role shifts
Between Maya and Karim, the roles are not fixed: they rotate (Victim → Rescuer → Persecutor). Karim often slides toward the self-sacrificing rescuer. Stepping out of the triangle means returning to an adult-to-adult exchange, without roles.
Johari Window
Zones of self-knowledge and knowledge of the other in the relationship.
The Johari window (Luft & Ingham) maps 4 zones of self-knowledge: open (known to all), blind (seen by the other but not by oneself), hidden (known to oneself but not shared) and unknown.
Maya
Karim
For Maya as for Karim, enlarging the "open" area — saying what one feels, asking for feedback — mechanically reduces the misunderstandings of the blind and hidden areas.
FIRO by Schutz
Fundamental relationship needs: expressed vs desired.
Schutz’s FIRO model measures three fundamental interpersonal needs: Inclusion (need to belong), Control (need for power) and Affection (need for closeness), each in an expressed and a wanted version.
Maya
Karim
For Maya and Karim, the gap between what each one EXPRESSES and what they DESIRE is the real source of frustration: Karim waits for an initiative that he/she never openly asks for, while the other does not perceive the need.
Polyvagal Theory
Dominant autonomic nervous system activation state in exchanges (Porges).
Polyvagal theory (S. Porges) distinguishes three states of the nervous system: ventral (connection and safety), sympathetic (fight/flight) and dorsal (freeze/shutdown). These states deeply influence communication within a couple.
The shifts into a sympathetic state (alert) or dorsal state (shutdown) explain the exchanges that "go off the rails": under stress, the nervous system takes precedence over intentions.
Young Schemas
Early maladaptive schemas influence your relational behaviours.
Early maladaptive schemas (Jeffrey Young) are deep emotional patterns formed in childhood that influence our adult relationships. A high score indicates a stronger activation of the schema.
| Schema | Maya | Karim |
|---|---|---|
| Disconnection & Rejection | ||
| Abandonment / instability | 44 | 46 |
| Mistrust / abuse | 28 | 39 |
| Emotional deprivation | 30 | 35 |
| Defectiveness / shame | 29 | 29 |
| Impaired Autonomy | ||
| Impaired Limits | ||
| Insufficient self-control | 21 | 29 |
| Other-Directedness | ||
| Subjugation | 5 | 37 |
| Approval-seeking | 30 | 37 |
| Overvigilance | ||
| Emotional inhibition | 13 | 18 |
Violence Cycle (Walker)
Identification of cyclical phases in the relational dynamic.
Rising reproaches and irritability; Maya is "walking on eggshells."
Crisis: devaluation, hurtful words, reversal of responsibility.
Apologies, minimization ("I wasn't myself"), promises to change.
Return of intense affection — until the next rise in tension.
The cycle repeats on an ever-shorter rhythm. Recognizing the "honeymoon" phase as part of the cycle (and not as real change) is often the turning point that protects.
Power and Control Wheel (Duluth)
Control mechanisms detected in the relational dynamic.
The wheel makes the underlying mechanics of control visible: these are not isolated outbursts but levers that reinforce one another. Talking about it to a trusted third party breaks the first link (isolation).
Personalised action plan
Therapeutic exercises tailored to your relational profile.
This action plan offers progressive exercises, at your own pace, to reinforce your strengths and work on the areas for improvement that were identified.
Get to safety
Immediate priorityConsult a professional
As soon as possibleAs a priority, a professional trained in coercive control and control dynamics. 3919 (domestic violence), 3114 in case of distress.
Document the facts
As it happensRecord dates and words to counter the rewriting of reality and keep a reliable reference point.
Rebalance
Weeks 3-4Slow down the pursuit
DailyMaya and Karim: leave room for the other's initiative rather than reaching out into the void.
Frame it in "I"
At each tensionReplace the reproach ("you never…") with the need ("I need…").
Rebuild trust
Weeks 5-6Dated actions
WeeklyFavor concrete, verifiable commitments over general promises.
Consolidate or decide
Weeks 7-8Take stock
MonthlyAfter two months, assess honestly: has the dynamic shifted, or is it repeating identically?
Strengths
- ✓A strong, sincere attachment on both sides
- ✓Maya seeks to reassure rather than flee
Points to watch
- !Jumping to conclusions (64) turns every detail into proof
- !Control (demanding explanations) is setting in on Karim's side
- !Gottman ratio at 2.6: negativity dominates the exchanges
What the report answers
What does the attachment style reveal in this case?
Karim highly anxious (70): here jealousy is the symptom of attachment insecurity. Treating it by monitoring social media only worsens the control.
What red flags does the report detect?
Jumping to conclusions at 64: a like becomes proof of infidelity. This is the engine of jealousy overflowing — the report shows the problem isn't social media, but the interpretation.
What do the score and communication dynamic say?
Ratio at 2.6 (healthy threshold: 5) and criticism at 58: the exchanges tip into negativity. Jealousy is no longer an occasional emotion, it structures the conversation.
Normal or toxic jealousy? The report pinpoints it → Analyze our conversation
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